Responded in the nick of time

Let's rewrite this letter in a more blunt manner shall we ?Just for fun. It wouldn't have sounded as polite as this....

....but closer to something like this .

Dear so and so,

You know ah, we tried to contact you via your cell phone . Where are you har ?  
How come you can go overseas and not subscribe to roaming services ? Why you so kiamsap ( stingy) wan ? 

I tell you ah, this is your last and final chance yo.

You ah.....you better call us back OR ELSE we're finding another winner which we probably cannot contact either,seeing how the phone lines super sibeh suck these days.

p.s. Respond asap or we'll cc a copy to Santa you naughty, naughty uncontactable woman