The Old Bag Lady

I have been through some trying times.When I was at my lowest, I always had people lending me a helping hand when I was groping in the dark.

I never forgot those acts of kindness from Jenny, Nathan and an old Filipino lady.

Total strangers even.One of whom gave me an umbrella for free even when I insisted on returning it to him another day . He told me, to return the favour by emulating him and helping others . A piece of advice, a life lesson I never forgot.

There are many poor people around Penang. Some so desperate and destitute. Pride holds them back from begging or reaching out to ask us for help. Some earn just a few ringgit a day for peeling a mountain of prawns.

I just cannot sit by, close my eyes and ignore the situation out there happening right under my nose.

Thus today,when I received a hamper, stuffed with noodles,canned foodstuffs and packet drinks, I had already made my mind up.

I headed to a neighbourhood ,to try and spot someone who needed it most.

We were both in it together. Evaluating and sizing up candidates from inside our car. Both novices for an act expected of our humanity I know not how to categorise.

To call it charity, seems rather unkind and obscene. I won't even dare call what I did as an act of kindness when they are constantly challenged by the cruel harshness of poverty.

While it would have certainly be easier dropping it off in some soup kitchen, home or orphanage, I decided against it this time.

Somehow as we turned into this lane, an old lady rode by on her rickety bicycle. She stopped by a dumpster and was about to pick out rotten vegetables that were strewn all over the floor.

He stopped the car by the side, carried it over and told her that it was for her. She thanked him profusely over and over while he asked her if she needed us to transport it for her to her home.

She declined and handed him some raffia string to tie it securely onto the back of her bicycle. He told her to stop and go home but she still insisted on picking up some greens.

He didn't argue with her further but respected her wishes and we soon made our way homewards.

I was ashamed with myself for not being able to face her. I would probably have broken down. I didn't get down. I stayed in the safe confines. But did I really fear making her feel bad or was I merely taking the easy way out ?

Ok, so I helped her today but I don't feel very proud of myself. Instead I feel tortured that she and so many others have to endure this while I eat like a pig.

We had no appetite to eat. Dinner was just a cup of coffee. My mind is troubled. I feel so useless and helpless. We can't help everyone but I know I am not going to stop.