Smoke magnet

Problem's been bugging me for quite some time now.

Somehow or other, I seem to have an inbuilt signal which draws smokers towards me. Can be talking face to face to Mr Meek, Short and Skinny , when all of a sudden, he gets the inspiration to whip out his Malboro.

The more annoyed I look, the harder they'll suck.
Most times I move, to the next table. Still doesn't work.
They WILL find me.

Have tried coughing. Loudly. Desperately.

My reward ? That corner of the eye look which makes me wanna snip it off their lips. Or douse them. With a Bomba hose.

Frustrated I query the ex smoker.

Muah : " Do I look like I have a big LED sign across my forehead which says I find it especially seksay, inhaling your second hand smoke  ? It makes me feel so radiant , warm and all fuzzy inside I wanna sincerely thank you for your presence by giving you a really meaningful look  ?"

Him : he's giggling " You make them nervous "
Muah : frowning. Very cross. " Hey ! I'm serious "
Him : " they beh tahan. Excited and kancheong "
Muah : " over what ?"
Him : " You "
Muah : " you must be joking....you mean You're getting excited. Not them. "
Him : " I'm not . It's true " he's in fits now.
Muah : the look I give him has the effect of a magnifying glass under direct sunlight. Yet he's still laughing his nuts off. Sadist this fella. Not scared at all.

Anyway, this cropped up because yesterday I thought I'd FINALLY got it right.

Choose a table next to a HUGE fan . In the furthest corner. 

Away from all the smokers who were concentrated on the outside perimeter of the Nasi Lemak shop.

 The only other people next to us , was a group of 5 boys who looked like they were barely 15. They did not have ciggeys on their table or tucked behind their ears.

Horray. Happily tucked in.

Halfway through, 2 of them went out.

And hauled back in 2 Shisha apparatus.

So last night, we had

Nasi Lemak enveloped in a cloudy smoke of apple that smelt more like the kind of liquid soap that promises 99%  bacteria free hands. You tell me if that was enjoyable or 100% fated.