Teenage Suicides

There is plenty of advice on how you should counter the Terrible Twos but not on how to survive a teenage meltdown.

Simply because there is no right formula on how to deal with the mood and temperament associated to that peculiarly complex stage in their lives where they like to maintain a ten step distance away from you .

I was saddened after a wonderful Mother's Day weekend spent with my family, to hear of 2 heart wrenching suicides, which involved 2 boys. One 11, the other 14.

Both suicides have a commonality.They are linked to the deaths of their grandmothers.

Both are from different races and divides. One wealthier the other struggling. One left a curt note, the other had been giving clues of his suicidal intent for some time already.

While grandparents and maids assist in upbringing of our children, it is wrong of busy parents to leave them totally in their care especially during the formative years and take them back later once they are older.

There simply will be no bond between parent and child. Period. Both will find it hard to relate to each other or even respect each other for that matter. The children will be traumatised should there be a break and their parents resentful.

Teh Wei Zhen, a St Francis Xavier student, shuttled between his grandfathers place in Air Itam and an uncle in Butterworth.

Neighbours of his grandfather accused the family of neglect . The boy pined often for his mother but she wasn't always there for him. He had never known his biological father as they divorced when he was a baby.

His mother brushed off the notes he had written as nonsensical talk. Last week he even asked to be cremated, still she shushed him up.

Probably because nobody, not even you or I, found reason to be suicidal at 11. But he did. Just that no one took him seriously.

As for the older boy, a parent of his schoolmate wrote to a newspaper to describe the kind of teen that he was. A loner who was moody and who just had a small tiff with his mother and sister.

Teenagers of this age are tricky. They ding dong between a child that wants your attention to one that slams his room door in your face and finds you repulsive.

He makes you worry that he's plastered 24/7 to a gadget, phone or computer. You start to nag him because you worry about his future. He gives you a rude word. Some teenage girls have been known to slip out of their homes without their parents ever knowing just for a night out with their cliq.

It is entirely up to you, to shape or stem his journey into adulthood.
You have to be a stoic and calm parent with mighty nerves of steel and no room in your heart for revenge or hatred whatsoever towards him later, to come out in top.

You have to understand that the handphone means the world to them. Confiscating it is not an option even if they are still texting at 4am.

You have to give them room.

Breathing space is most useful when at least one adult out of a dysfunctional family has actually invested time to inculcate strong values during the kids early childhood.


Even though a reprimand is wanting, it is always better to wait till his mood is better to tell him that he could have behaved better, but that you still love him even though he was being hurtful.

Sometimes, it is always good to take a step back and try to remember what kind of teenager you yourself where and try not to impose so much restrictions and rules when you yourself turned out ok in the end.


The real tragedy is that one happened on Mother's Day and the other the eve of it.
I think the media plays a part in how our society places way too much emphasis on commercialised celebrations of love today, neglecting those who have a crater in their broken heart.

Divorced or warring families means plenty of displaced kids.Kids that cannot cope, get stressed out or cry when they see countless touching ads on tv .

Made worse by the fact that teachers ask their students (some of whom are orphans) insensitive questions on parental love.

Our society is falling apart at its seams, with our intolerance for each other within the family folds rising,yet our numbness towards the disintegration of family network a sign, a type of positive reflex action that does NOT address the troubled.

With one sweep of our arms we paint a picture of loveliness, to inspire love when others are mired in pointlessly impossible circumstances for the moment. 


If a child speaks or threatens. Take it seriously.
Even if he says he has a headache.
Never laugh at him, or tell him stupid things like, " What are you talking about ? You don't even have bills to pay.You're just a kid"

I had a classmate whose headache turned out to be a tumour and she was only 17 at the time.

But the fact is she survived because the adults in charge of the asrama penuh took her complaints seriously.

Things would have been different had she stayed at home with those who would trivialise her complaints as something minor or another dramatic hysteric.

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2012/5/15/nation/11288325&sec=nation

http://www.mmail.com.my/story/mothers-day-eve-shocker

http://www.guangming.com.my/node/135280?tid=3