Pulau Tikus dialogue 12.09.2013

Updated with pictures from the state Buletin Mutiara facebook
Click on this link below . Warning : heavily lopsided propoganda content 

Pictures of participants


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Participants of this event were informed that $200,000 has been spent to implement this one way trial system . And that all the roadsigns have been bought. In which case points to the change being a permanent thorn in our behind. Not only that , this dialogue was actually held to inform us on MORE future proposals ( oooo....ada udang di sebalik batu ? ) whereby they are proposing to change even more roads after this, some according to the time of day ( omg, here's another loony professional idea ) , revert back to a roundabout near Island Hospital, rip up more sidewalks to widen more lanes , put in more speed tables as well as road signs elsewhere.

Although just 400 people turned up, the event had it's moments. 

1. The beleagured "botak pun sudah tumbuh balik" punya YB started the session by saying

 " No bad words" . Serious. I'm not kidding. 

2. In total defiance, a signature campaign run by volunteers, opened up just next to the tent , right till the very end. 

3. You might not see this in the mainstream media, but those on stage were heckled and booed by a handful of men AND women. Some were holding UBAH BALIK banners. Guess the VIPs must have felt threatened since they had to be personally escorted back to their cars by a group of volunteers dressed in purple. My goodness, did they genuinely fear for their safety from a group of very vocal residents and hawkers ? 

4.  When a lady hawker whose face was flushed with anger went up to the platform where the YB's were sitting, to show them some photos, their jittery mottley crew of at least 6 men dressed in purple sprung into action ready to acost her in case she decided to attack them .Bwahahaha....oh come on...what did they think she was ?Riddick's revenge ? Ridiculous. Unbelievably ridiculous . 

5. One guy had the entire crowd in stitches, pealing over doubled in laughter when he insisted that business at foot reflexology centres had shot up , because drivers now, had to visit those centres for pain relief. He even offered to sponsor Chow Kon Yeow a $53 session the next day at 8pm. " please stop smiling " he said " I'm serious " omg seriously funny guy this fella! Laughed till the tears rolled down my cheeks.

6. At one point, some lady hawkers started giggling at Yap for looking so irritated and frustrated as she pounded her phone with two arms squeezed tightly together .kah kah kah

7. Of course the highlight of the night has got to be the duel between Koay Teng Hai and the professional engineer. Omg, that was  EPIC ! you should have been there to see it for yourself !  Koay is sooooo quick witted and so articulate he almost caused that all knowing engineer to have a nervous breakdown right there.  I'm gonna condense the blistering fiery supersonic exchange ( look I can't remember everything but it was damn good to hear and watch ) went something like this :

Pulau Tikus dialogue jokes

1. Since no amount of protests could change his complete and utter faith in the obviously failed one way system, some people are reasoning that "The Professional " has got to be an electrical circuit board engineer . 

2. The Volunteer corps were not primarily there to direct traffic or maintain order. In reality, they were super cheap bodyguards assigned to protect the councillors from the attendees wrath and fury.

3. All panel members went home believing that " The Protestors " are a fraction and just a minority. Major condolences to those fools.

4. After the shouting residents somehow triggered the Richter scale , everyone wondered how the panel members managed to stay calm. Their secret : WeeWeeDrive diapers

5. The dialogue was an unapolegetic CATastrophe Dogged by failure to understand locality and humanity with not an ounce of humility 

6. Before the election we were all referred to as " The Rakyat ". Now we know they actually see us as " The Unprofessionals "

7. To a question on how whether they actually posess the funds to carry out all the new proposals mooted, a smart alec retorted " Of course they do ! Just SAMAN some more lah ! " 

8. 

Patient : " Have you found a reason for my severe constipation and chronic indigestion ?" 

 Doctor : " No. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you ". 

Patient : "Impossible , check again "

Doctor : " What did you eat before this problem cropped up ? "

Patient " Alright, alright, I'll admit, I couldn't stomach the unfair accusations hurled by members of public at an open air dialogue "

The doctor prescribed him prickly heat powder,enemas and first aid plasters for his Butthurt.

9. Participants were told that the island had too many cars. That the One way system was neccessary to help ease the traffic flow. They shot back " Then why are you planning on building a tunnel to bring more cars in ? "

10. In the beginning of the dialogue, Penangites were " adviced " by YB Yap, not to use foul language . I Think she forgot , UBAH is also a four letter word. 

The Pulau Tikus video

Finally, a video is uploaded onto Youtube. Am not sure who videotaped the angry shouting businessfolks and residents who took to the floor. How else are they gonna spin it with the media in attendance last night ? 

Still here it is, for those who weren't there. Watch it but be warned there's a lot of hot tempered cursing going on.

Click on this link below

Pulau Tikus Dialogue 12.09.2013 video

Jalan Kelawei - just ridiculous !

Take a good look at the road. It's so hard to tell the black lines apart from the white. Worse still at night when the streetlamps shine on them.

1. Entering Jalan Kelawei. Notice the left side of the road.

2. Start liao. Spot the ex double line.

The new Gurney Drive

This here ,is the entrance to the new Gurney Drive.

Heading inwards, you learn to think out of the box. Especially since the old parking boxes got removed .
Creative parking indeed .

More Pulau Tikus One Way Traffic System jokes

 1.    Did you hear about the latest exercise fad to hit Georgetown ? It's  called 3 ways Up, One way Down, Round and Round . 

2.   A disgruntled hawker confronted an avid supporter of the system , over the social network. 

       Hawker  " Ini Kali ah , My kopitiam business REBAH by 30 percent  "

      Supporter " SABAH ..once people get the hang of the roads, they will return "

      Hawker " SUDAH ! Can't wait that long you know ? I have commitments "

      Supporter " UBAH your one way track mind and show your support OK MAH ?  "

      Hawker " SIOWKIAH ! Why don't you admit that the system is SALAH ? " 

      Supporter " You think it is very MUDAH ? Trust the professionals who go to SEKOLAH ! "

       Hawker " People express their problem, you act as if you got stung by LEBAH"

       Supporter " All you know is how to complain, why don't you PODAH ?Shift over to KEDAH  lah! " 

       Hawker " TUNAH seng, Lain Kali I make sure they KALAH ! "

3.   By the end of 3 months, every driver who's passed the Pulau Tikus test, can represent the country, in the most mind boggling and challenging obstacle race mankind has ever attempted......on the moon ! 

4.   Thanks to the Pulau Tikus One Way Street system,  Georgetown is now known as the UBAH capital of the world. Utterly Baffling, Atrociously Horrifying. 

5.   True story. 3 weeks after the implementation , someone posted up a picture of a row of parked cars in Bellisa Row, just to show that the area was still bustling...whoever did that is beyond stupid, because they didn't count on everyone noticing that the shop shutters were down. 

 

6.  To solve the jam,  the powers that be, opened a bicycle lane. Penangites showed their undying support by parking their cars on it. 

7.  The medical tourist told the surgeon why she came late for the appointment " I came here for a facelift but every road I used to know, turned out to be a facepalm " 

8.  Jalan Kelawei is exactly like Michael Jackson's " Black or White "  

Black lines moonwalk, as the White ones shuffle. 

9.  The trick to enjoying a stress free drive towards Pulau Tikus is this......Adult diapers. Don't ever leave your home without it .

10. As the plane made it's descent down to Penang, the honeymoon couple started panicking. It seems they remembered to bring everything, except Panadol .

Pulau Tikus One Way System - jokes

1. The good news is, Pulau Tikus now has become jam free. The bad news is everywhere else around it is not.

2. Road user complains " I've been stuck in Jalan Mount Erskine for the past half an hour "

      Rep suggests " Jalan Tanjong Tokong is smooth flowing and free , why don't you use that "

     Next day Road user takes that suggestion.

     So does everyone else. Back to square one. 

3. First day of implementation

 " UBAH ! never change never know "

     First week post mortem.

 "  Give it 3 months. Cannot UBAH ! "

4. Brilliant 3R environmental friendly solution on how to lessen the bottleneck jam in Gurney Drive. 

Reduce parking lots, Refuse to listen to protests or pleas, Reissue summons.

5. A ghost hunter came to investigate claims that Pulau Tikus has now turned into a ghost town. He took the wrong turn into a one way street crashed head on and died. As he was roaming about he came across a Feng Shui master who had been run over while crossing the road. Frustrated they decided to pay the local rep a visit. " Businesses have dwindled and we've lost our lives". They were told " At least you lost your lives to a better government "

6. Peng Hua girls school has been targetted as the main reason behind the Jalan Bagan Jermal jams.A bright spark suggested that all parents pick up and drop them off at the Youth Park to solve the problem once and for all. 

7. Ever heard of the song "One Way Ticket ? " The Penang version is called " OneWay Wicked ! "

8.  True story. The rep was convinced by the facebook page feedback that showed more positive feedback than negative ones . The irony of it all is, most of the positive feedback came from a Mr.Boo.

9. Nobody bothers to go complain about the traffic congestion to the Tanjung Bungah rep because all that dude wants to do is cycle, sit on rocks and find inner peace. 

10. The astronaut noticed a curious white and orange formation from outer space. He alerted the other astronaut who told him " Nah, that's just the MPPP plastic traffic barriers on Penang Island "